Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child

There is much literature on how to parent challenging children these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not typically address the child with special parenting needs and a special parenting understanding. A child that has been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder,or even depression, requires an understanding not of the behavior itself,but rather of the underlying dynamics driving the behavior. Take for example the analogy of an iceberg. Typically when we refer to an iceberg we are referring to what we see above the surface. However, 90% of every iceberg is invisible, lying under the surface. What you consider to be an iceberg is really only the tip. It’s an overwhelming thought when considering how enormous an …

Parrots to Poets — Its all in learning to say words

A ready reckoner for you to check your child’s development As a parent you may spend many anxious moments worrying whether your child is developing well, whether anything is wrong, or worrying about illnesses or learning disabilities. Well, most developmental articles or charts are just general reference points. Some babies grow and pass each stage quickly while others develop slower but do catch up. So, don’t fret if John has not said “ ba, ba or da, da,” when your neighbor’s child born a few days later already has. Every baby is like a sponge and receptive to things in his or her immediate environment. A baby who has people talking and interacting with him or her all day long …

Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear

This column offers solutions to people who write in questions about how they can solve their life challenges through the formula described in the books, Way of the Positive Flow and Positive Flow Parenting, by Lawrence Vijay Girard Please send your questions to Submissions@FruitgardenPublishing.Com Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear by Lawrence Vijay Girard Dear Vijay, I worry about not being a good parent. My daughter Tracy is six and my son Michael is four. They seem happy. Our family does things together. It is just that with so much that seems to be going wrong in the world, I fear that something will go wrong at home. Hope you can help me, M.J. Dear M.J., This really isn’t a …

Motivation To Succeed Develops In Early Childhood

Disclaimer: None of the content of this article should be considered medical or psychological advice. You should consult with your health care professional for specific advice relating to your medical and psychological questions or conditions. Have you ever heard about a child whom parents or teachers describe as lazy, unenthusiastic, and non-interested in any school subject or social activity? If yes, have you ever thought why this child is so low motivated, when he or she needs to do something demanding assiduity, diligence, patience, attention, tenacity, self-control and other important personal qualities? While growing up these children meet obstacles in real life and do not find enough will power, strength of mind to overcome life difficulties and achieve goals. This …

Managing Tantrums in Autism Spectrum Disorders When Consistency

When dealing with tantrums and difficult behaviors in autism spectrum disorders, using behavioral approaches alone can sometimes fail. What is the missing piece to managing these behaviors that a behavioral approach alone may not address? To start, we need to look at the reasons for behavior. According to behavioral approaches, most of the behavior we see results from one of three reasons: a request, seeking attention, or a sensory reason. Let’s look deeper at these three reasons for behavior and the ways we currently handle them. Handling a request is fairly straightforward. To put it very simply, a request is usually something externally controlled by both reinforcing appropriate requests and not reinforcing inappropriate ones, such as a tantrum. For negative …

Is It Okay to Spoil Your Kids?

None of us want “spoiled” kids – kids who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, inconsiderate. So, what spoils children and what doesn’t? When I was raising my children, I was often told that I would spoil them if I didn’t let them cry – if I held them a lot. Fortunately, I didn’t believe this nonsense. You can’t spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is in defining “love.” We are not giving love to our children when we give them everything they want on the material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but …

Here’s Help for the “I Can’t Say ‘No’ Blues”

I hear it all the time. Cries from Christian women who want desperately to serve the Lord, but who feel overwhelmed. “I almost dread going to PTO meetings or church services anymore because I just know somebody else is going to ask me to help with something,” they say. “Don’t get me wrong. I want to help, but there are only so many hours in my day. I feel like I’m just going to explode if I don’t get some relief.” What usually follow these statements are apologies. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to complain. I’ve been blessed with so much that I have no choice but to give back. And I really am glad to do it. Anyway, as …

Helping Your Children Deal With Stress

Many children suffer from various forms of stress and in this article I give advice on how parents can help their child during these periods. Their stress can cause them to have nightmares and to lose their self-confidence. I hope you find this article interesting and beneficial. Children who have nightmares There are many reasons why children can start to have nightmares. I have two children, both of whom at various stages of their lives wake up crying and upset. My young son started to have nightmares after watching the film Lord Of The Rings. He really enjoyed watching the film and wanted to watch it on a regular basis and would even re-inact the battles. The film itself is …

Creative Ideas for Easing Separation Anxiety

Does your child exhibit separation anxiety at daycare drop-off? Do you spend more than fifteen minutes struggling to calm your child’s fears? You are not alone. All parents at one time or another have experienced guilt, fear and remorse at the very thought of leaving their hysterical child in the arms of a non-relative. Separation anxiety affects both parents and children. Children display their discontent and fears by throwing temper trantrums, clinging onto parents for long periods and ignoring attempts by their daycare provider to calm their fears. Parents display separation anxiety by hesitating to exit the daycare, clinging onto their child for prolonged periods and performing disappearing acts when their child is not looking. To help ease separation anxiety, …

Child Safety- Does Your Dog Have More Identification Than Your Child?

Take a moment and think about it. When you consider the fact that, as adults, we would never consider leaving the house without our id. We spend thousands on home and car alarms, we are even protecting our family pets with microchips; however, our most cherished possessions, our children, leave home without any identification. Here are some questions: – Have you taken the time to record your child’s fingerprints, gather a hair sample for DNA purposes, record all his/her specific identification, including specific identifying features and a photograph of your child in a Child ID kit? If so, is it up to date? – In the event of a motor vehicle accident, in which you have been rendered unconscious, do …

Boost Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Many people have a strong opinion on the importance of self-esteem in children. Some people have a negative opinion and believe too much emphasis is placed on self-esteem today. Other’s believe strongly that self-esteem development is crucial in children. The truth is that both parties have a share in the truth. There is probably too much emphasis on self-esteem today and self-esteem development is crucial. However middle ground can be found between the two groups. The emphasis shouldn’t be on building self-esteem but rather helping children learn and grow so they naturally develop a feeling of worth and value. Self-esteem is a major key to success in life. The development of a positive self-concept or healthy self-esteem is extremely important …

How Will I Cope? How Relaxing helps you and your Baby – from Pregnancy onwards

Pregnancy You’re in the final trimester of your pregnancy. Up until now you hadn’t felt so bad. Now, though, you feel enormous and there seems no end to it. Baby has started kicking on a regular basis and is so active at bedtime that you rarely get a good night’s sleep. You start to worry how you will cope once the baby is born if you feel so tired now. Your digestion is dreadful, you seem to have permanent heartburn – and when you try to bend down! Baby arrives You’d been waiting for this moment for so long. Here she is, in your home, a real human being created by you both, a little miracle. And what happens? She …

How To Use A Token Economy To Shape Your Child’s Behavior.

A token economy is a behavioral modification technique that was first used in mental institutions to reinforce and establish desirable behaviors in their patients. Today you can find token economies being used in schools, treatment programs, and some families have found its usefulness in shaping their children’s behavior. The token economy is a system in which targeted behaviors are reinforced with tokens (secondary reinforcers) and are later exchanged for rewards (primary reinforcers). Tokens can be in the form of fake money, buttons, poker chips, stickers, etc. While rewards can range anywhere from snacks to privileges/activities. To establish a token economy in your home first you must identify the behaviors you want your children to change (desirable behaviors). These behaviors could …

How To Use A Token Economy To Shape Your Child’s Behavior.

A token economy is a behavioral modification technique that was first used in mental institutions to reinforce and establish desirable behaviors in their patients. Today you can find token economies being used in schools, treatment programs, and some families have found its usefulness in shaping their children’s behavior. The token economy is a system in which targeted behaviors are reinforced with tokens (secondary reinforcers) and are later exchanged for rewards (primary reinforcers). Tokens can be in the form of fake money, buttons, poker chips, stickers, etc. While rewards can range anywhere from snacks to privileges/activities. To establish a token economy in your home first you must identify the behaviors you want your children to change (desirable behaviors). These behaviors could …

How To Teach Your Children To Beat Stress

We are sending our children into a future filled with stress and conflict. Parents and teachers have the responsibility to model behaviors and teach skills that will enable our children to be productive, accepting, healthy, and above all, resilient. 1. Self-understanding and acceptance Self-esteem is a realistic estimate of your own capabilities and worth. People with high self-esteem are productive, responsive, imaginative, and attentive to the needs of others. Encourage your children to develop their natural aptitudes and interests. Set them up for success. Empower them to be more responsible. 2. Adults’ understanding and acceptance Give your children regular, focused, undivided attention. This, more than anything else, communicates your unconditional love. 3. Constructive thinking We are what we think. Fill …

Improving Your Teen’s Self-Esteem

The teenage years are often the most difficult time of childhood. During this time, children are blossoming into adults and struggle to determine the individual identity. It is no shock the teen years are the most dreaded by parents, but these fragile youngsters are at a critical time in their lives. Often, boundaries are pushed and rules are stretched by a teenager yearning to take that “next step” into adulthood. Teens find themselves not only faced with emotional transitions, but also physical changes. In the midst of these physical and emotional evolutions, a teen’s self-esteem can be compromised. Parents can take certain steps in order to ensure that a child’s self-esteem is not affected by the turbulent teenage years. The …