Parenting the Attachment Challenged Child

There is much literature on how to parent challenging children these days. Unfortunately much of that literature does not typically address the child with special parenting needs and a special parenting understanding. A child that has been diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder,or even depression, requires an understanding not of the behavior itself,but rather of the underlying dynamics driving the behavior. Take for example the analogy of an iceberg. Typically when we refer to an iceberg we are referring to what we see above the surface. However, 90% of every iceberg is invisible, lying under the surface. What you consider to be an iceberg is really only the tip. It’s an overwhelming thought when considering how enormous an …

Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear

This column offers solutions to people who write in questions about how they can solve their life challenges through the formula described in the books, Way of the Positive Flow and Positive Flow Parenting, by Lawrence Vijay Girard Please send your questions to Submissions@FruitgardenPublishing.Com Parents Dealing with Worry and Fear by Lawrence Vijay Girard Dear Vijay, I worry about not being a good parent. My daughter Tracy is six and my son Michael is four. They seem happy. Our family does things together. It is just that with so much that seems to be going wrong in the world, I fear that something will go wrong at home. Hope you can help me, M.J. Dear M.J., This really isn’t a …

Healing Anger and Violence in Our Society

I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners for the past 35 years and authored eight published books. All this experience has resulted in the development of a profound six-step healing process, called Inner Bonding, which anyone can learn and use throughout the day (FREE course available – see resource box). The violence in Littleton, Colorado sparked many discussions regarding the cause of such horrifying behavior on the part of two teenage boys. I would like to address this in terms on Inner Bonding. In my experience, it is not possible for us as human beings to be violent when we are connected to our true, core Self and to a source of spiritual guidance. When we do the …

Is It Okay to Spoil Your Kids?

None of us want “spoiled” kids – kids who are bratty, self-centered, demanding, inconsiderate. So, what spoils children and what doesn’t? When I was raising my children, I was often told that I would spoil them if I didn’t let them cry – if I held them a lot. Fortunately, I didn’t believe this nonsense. You can’t spoil a child with love. Children need love as much as they need food and water. The problem is in defining “love.” We are not giving love to our children when we give them everything they want on the material level. Parents often think they are loving their children when they pile them up with all the toys or activities they desire, but …

Here’s Help for the “I Can’t Say ‘No’ Blues”

I hear it all the time. Cries from Christian women who want desperately to serve the Lord, but who feel overwhelmed. “I almost dread going to PTO meetings or church services anymore because I just know somebody else is going to ask me to help with something,” they say. “Don’t get me wrong. I want to help, but there are only so many hours in my day. I feel like I’m just going to explode if I don’t get some relief.” What usually follow these statements are apologies. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to complain. I’ve been blessed with so much that I have no choice but to give back. And I really am glad to do it. Anyway, as …

Children Anger Management Tips

Kids with unmanaged anger can grow up to face big problems. That is why it is so important to help your child learn to process negative emotions in appropriate ways from an early age. You can help them by trying helpful children anger management tips. Even toddlers can learn a little bit about self-control, although tantrums to a certain extent are bound to occur. Here are some children anger management tips that may help your family enjoy a more peaceful home environment. Young Children Anger Management Tips If you have toddlers or even preschoolers, you know that they are still learning to control their tempers, especially in public. Many parents are looking for young children anger management tips, and will …

Empty Nest Syndrome

Paula’s last child had just gone off to college and Paula was struggling with a deep inner emptiness. While she knew this day was coming, she was not really prepared for the intense hollowness that welled up within. After all, she had a life of her own. Her work as an occupational therapist, which she had gone back to after all her three children were in school, was fulfilling to her. She was fortunate in having been able to schedule her time to be home when her children came home from school so she could take them to their various activities. Paula had been a loving and devoted mother and was very proud of her children. She had been looking …

General Skills of Compassionate Parenting & Effective Discipline

Compassionate Parenting provides a secure emotional base from which children carry out their genetic programs to explore and interact with their environments in safety and protection. At the same time, parents develop the protective, nurturing, and compassionate skills that empower them in all areas of life, including work and health. We simply function at our best when we have emotional connections with our children that are strong, flexible, and enjoyable. Compassion most definitely does not mean letting children get away with bad or selfish behavior. It does not mean that parents should go along with whatever children want. Nor does it mean overindulgence, generosity, or magnanimity. Compassionate parents are able to see beneath the surface of their children’s behavior to …

How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child

Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around us, due to intolerance, and many of us blame it on somebody else. Parents teach their children, all the time, and when one of us displays “road rage,” while our child is in the car, we teach a brand new skill set. Although, road rage is inappropriate behavior, at any time, and can get you killed, most children who are exposed to it, will duplicate the actions of their parents, when they are old enough to drive. So the first step, is to set an example and, possibly, use some of these ideas, for yourself. Studies show that anger causes atherosclerosis, the build-up of plaques in the arteries, that is …

Are You Addicted to Your Children?

Is it possible to be using our children addictively? Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction – even our children! If your children are your whole life – if you don’t have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you. If you don’t have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don’t have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection. If you …

Are You Addicted to Your Children?

Is it possible to be using our children addictively? Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction – even our children! If your children are your whole life – if you don’t have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you. If you don’t have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don’t have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection. If you …

8 Gifts of Parenting

No one who has hugged their child can doubt the gift of a child’s presence in their life. The love that is expressed in that simple act is one of the most profound ways that we experience love in this world. In order to nurture the special relationship of parent and child, and fulfill our roles as parents, there are number of things that we are signing up to do. Here is a list of eight essential ways to fulfill our parental responsibilities. These are gifts that we should freely give to our children without thought of what we will receive in return for our efforts. The Gift of Life. It is easy to forget that in the act of …

7 Easy Ways to Teach Your Children to be Grateful for What They Have

Here are some easy ways to incorporate instilling the virtue of gratitude in your children. As you go through your day, show them, the wonderful events going on behind the scenes that we all most usually take for granted. 1. Set the Right Example. It is better if you teach them by using the appropriate words at the right times yourself. How many parents do you see saying “Thank You” to there two or three year old children. It is through example that kids learn best, and teaching gratitude is no different than anything else in that respect. “Children Learn What They Live!” 2. Teach It Through Role Playing. You can play games with your children that implement the virtue …

5 Love Languages and Those Who Contribute at Home

The work around a house or apartment has got to be some of the least thanked work ever created. Whether it is the yard work on the weekend, plumbing as it arises, daily dishes & errand running, we tend to overlook the assistance that our spouse and children offer us regularly. Part of why being at home is so tiring for some is the simple fact that the ongoing work of maintaining regular life is hardly regarded as special. We don’t forget to say thank you for trips to Hawaii, or Prague (gift love-language). We sparkle with delight after a full body massage (touch love-language). We treasure all those times of close one-on-one talks (quality time love-language). But what about …

You Make Me Sick and other things Parents Say in Anger

Maryann is so focused she’s blind. She’s slipped over the edge of responsibility and forgot the real reason she is working so hard. It’s for her daughter. Being a single parent isn’t easy. Between working, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and homework, there isn’t much time left in the day. It’s a heavy burden to be the sole supporter of a young child. But when pressures and tensions are so great that harmful words spill out like bitter pills, isn’t it time to stop and take inventory? “Clean your room or I’m gonna kill you!” “If you don ‘t do your homework right now, I’ll break your neck!” “Just leave me alone, I’ve had a rough day.” These statements came from …