The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don’t like it when someone is angry at us. We don’t like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We don’t like it when people withdraw from us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don’t like it when people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to say no. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid the soul loneliness and pain we feel when people treat us in angry, resistant, demanding and uncaring ways. It takes great courage to stay loving to ourselves and others when faced with others’ angry and closed behavior. It especially take …

The Challenges of Single Parenting

Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and written books on parenting and relationships, I’ve discovered that one of the greatest challenges for us as parents is to be loving role-models for our children, showing our children through our behavior how to take personal responsibility for their own feelings and needs. Our children need to learn from our role-modeling how to nurture themselves within and how to create a sense of safety in the world. In families where both a mother and father are present, both parents can participate in nurturing the child emotionally and taking care of the child in the world, and both parents can role-model what it looks like to do this for themselves. Single …

The Challenge of Parenthood

“A new baby is like the beginning of all things–wonder, hope, a dream of possibilities.” (Eda J. Le Shan) The Transition to Parenthood Becoming a parent is a major lifestyle change that can be very rewarding yet very stressful. Consider the following advice on how to make this step more easily in your new job as a parent. Parenthood is a step into a new lifestyle It is important to be aware that you will be challenged to make changes in your life of being single and may be resistant to those changes. Welcome and embrace the change as a challenge to your new life as a parent. Parents need to recognize the importance of a mother and a father …

The Joy of Learning

“ Part of what motivates me to write this book is a concern that we’ve lost touch in education with the sheer joy of what it means to learn something new.” Thomas Armstrong, Author, Awakening Genius in the Classroom I think I was around 6 years old, when my mum decided to put me into Piano class. I am quite sure it was an afterthought because it was my younger sister who was first put into the class. Till today, I could still remember, following my mum and sister to her classes at Yamaha. Why was I asked to learn the piano with my sister? I guess it was my demonstration of my musical ability on the piano (which was …

The Joy Of Becoming A Father

In this article I write about my joy of becoming a parent and about how my life has changed since the birth of my son. It came as quite a shock to me a few years ago when my girlfriend told me that she was pregnant. We had in truth been trying for a baby, but I never thought it would happen. I am not really sure why this was, I am stupid I know. I have to admit that I was quite scared at first but now feel very lucky and he has truly changed my life in a positive way. Around a week before my son was born, I decided to go out for a few beers with …

The Impact of Parenting Styles

Watching a young girl hit, kick, and call her mother names I never imagined a 6 year old knew, engaged in an (ultimately successful) attempt to get dessert led to an enlightening luncheon conversation with a few friends last week. As parents ourselves, we had all dealt with incidents like this and had different opinions on how the mother should have handled the outbreak. As we talked, it turns out we represented the three most common parenting styles identified during the last 30 years of psychological research. What seems to matter the most is the level of parental demandingness and parents being responsive to their children’s changing needs. One end of our table clearly represented the Authoritarian parenting style, parents …

The Ideas In Your Head Will Rule Your World

It does not matter where the ideas come from, and it doesn’t matter whether they are right or wrong, once an idea is in your head, it will rule your world. Only a few months ago I gave a keynote address to 3,000 people at a regional parenting conference. In the talk I had mentioned the difficulties parents face with Drug abuse by their children. During the question and answer period following my talk a clergyman stood up in front of and offered, “I think we need to decriminalize drugs because drug use is a victimless crime. ” He was offering this as a counter point to my comments in my address about how damaging drugs are to American youth. …

The Hidden Effects of Childhood Maltreatment and How Life Coaching Can Help

Violence against women is one of the primary health problems facing adults today. Many people are not aware that childhood maltreatment is a powerful risk factor for health problems in adulthood. Its victims can suffer lifelong health effects. Maltreatment is best viewed as a risk factor for a wide range of subsequent health problems. Were you neglected, sexually abused or physically abused as a child? An important step is to face the truth about how you suffered as a child. Health effects have to be assessed within a developmental perspective. There are several avenues by which abuse can affect health. The first avenue is physiological. Traumatic events can alter the brain and body. The human system of self defense becomes …

The Frustrations and Rewards of Parenting Teenagers

Most parents – whether they admit it or not – react to the onset of their child’s teenage years with either trepidation or absolute dread. We look back to our own teenage years, and wonder how our parents lived through our fads, our raging hormones, our rebellion, and our attitudes. It’s almost as though, overnight, our parents went from knowing everything to knowing nothing, from understanding our hopes and dreams to being clueless about who we are and what we want out of life. Looking back, we know that parenting teenagers is no cakewalk, and can’t begin to imagine how we’ll survive the ordeal. If only there was a parent handbook or parent directory, teens would be so much easier …

The Day I Tried Saying Yes: Inspiration for Control Freak Parents

You know how sometimes the most profound conversations with your kids occur in the midst of totally mundane activities? Well, last night I was parking the car at the grocery store, and my 8 year old daughter says to me in a voice full of awe, “Mom, did you know that some kids assume their parents are going to say yes?” Sensing a bigger context here, I asked a few questions. She had spent some time over the weekend at a new friend’s house. Turns out that she was really and truly amazed that her mom said yes with such regularity that her friend no longer bothered to ask her for permission to do things like eat cookies before dinner …

The Court Determines Child Custody

A child custody proceeding is any case involving child protection, adoption, guardianship, termination of parental rights or voluntary placement of your child. The support order will be based on the child’s needs, obligor’s ability to pay, custody arrangements and the child support guidelines. The Criminal Code makes it an offence to abduct a child to spite a custody order. A custody order establishes both the custody and parenting time arrangement for the children. Your child custody order is also confidential. When an unmarried mother has a child, the mother has legal custody of that child until a court says otherwise. During divorce, marriage, or annulment proceedings, the issue of child custody often becomes a matter for the court to determine. …

Quench the thirst for knowledge

Education according to the gurus, prepares a child to live in society and the world, as we know it today. It inculcates values and introduces skills the child can hone as he or she grows up to earn a living. While education is a system, learning is a thirst quencher – it satisfies a curiosity and gives wing to imagination. As a parent or caregiver, you need to encourage this thirst for knowledge and nurture the imagination. Education does not begin or end with school and university. One can be educated constantly every moment of life. And, as you know experiences are life’s greatest teachers. Learning has many aspects. The basic aspect is to provide a vitally conducive environment and …

Puppets turned into Muppets – Under Age Drinkers

What is it coming too when the law can not uphold the law? with Under age drinkers In their powerless efforts to control the rising problem with under age drinkers the numbers are increasing day by day. How sad for the parents who have tried in vain to put the kids on the straight and narrow. These kids may as well be walking arm in arm with a suicide bomber. Even adults over the years think they have mastered the art of self control when drink symptoms kick in taking the mind and body. I am sorry to say one drink to many and we all end up like a puppet on a string. Coming back to the parents, we …

Pulling the Plug on Virtual Reality: Tips for Parents of Teenage Mouse Potatos

Any parent of a teenager today who sees their child’s face in full frontal view is lucky indeed. Many of us are accustomed to addressing the back of our offspring’s head, silhouetted against the glowing blue light of the computer screen. It seems like pretty basic common sense that it can’t be great for a kid’s growing body to be sitting motionless in front of a screen all day, so I won’t bore you with all the research. However, the computer is today’s vehicle of choice for the social connections that are so critical to a teenager’s world. The developmental task of the teen years is to master autonomy. Toward this end, many parents wisely allow their teens plenty of …

Protecting Your Children From Internet Predators

In 2002 thirteen-year-old Christina Long, a Connecticut suburbanite, became the first confirmed murder in the U.S. by an Internet predator. Unfortunately she has not been the last. Fortunately, recent media attention is finally making parents aware of dangers linked to Internet use. A study performed by National Institute for Missing and Exploited Children concluded that in the past year one in five minors were subjected to sexual solicitation through chat rooms and instant messengers. 5% received aggressive sexual solicitation in the form of phone calls, mail, money, or gifts, as well as being asked to meet. Almost 70% of all solicitations occurred in the home, yet less then one-quarter of minors told a parent. Shockingly, by an average age of …

Protecting Your Child’s Innocence

We love our children and we want them to be safe – safe from people who could harm them and destroy their innocence. At the same time we don’t want to scare them and perhaps create timidity or nightmares. How can we protect them without harming them? Obviously, we need to educate our children regarding the fact that there are people who want to do them harm. We need to teach them not to speak to strangers, even when the strangers appear to be nice, never accept rides from people without previous arrangements, never allow people to touch them inappropriately, and so on. We need to teach them the facts of safety. We can also teach them self-defense. When my …